Unrequited
by Dorian Windslasher
Summary: A story set during season 8 of Buffy, told from Satsu's point of view. It'll deal with Satsu's background and some of the stuff that happened in between issues of the comics.


A/N: Beware of spoilers.

Disclaimer: Like most students, I own nothing. Especially not Buffy.

* * *

Stray strands of honey blonde hair that had escaped the constraints of a ponytail moved lazily in the breeze, reflecting light of the sun above.

Satsu grasped the wooden sword in her hands harder and tore her attention from the attractive blonde circling them and back to Rowena.

As much as she does want to stare covertly at Buffy, she has always loved those 'Well done!' smiles she gets whenever she does something particularly good during practice.

So, she works hard, trying to earn the praise. Just like a little school girl, wanting to earn her teacher's approval. Pathetic…

She loathes herself for it, for being such a sad little cliché, but there it is.

She's in love with Buffy Summers.

* * *

It all started a over a year ago. She had been an outcast at school for a long time. It wasn't that she was a foreigner, really, there were plenty of those in London, it was generally just her lack of confidence.

For a long while, the teasing (which wasn't all that bad) consisted of reminders of how much of a goody-two-shoes she was.

Then, someone had caught her in the showers, giving some other girl a glance that lasted just one second too long and she'd been branded a dyke.

The sad part was that most of them didn't even realize that they were correct.

It wasn't really about homophobia, just a justification for their cruelties.

But it was true, she was a - dyke.

The teachers caught on after a few months and raised holy hell, called the parents of the bullies, counselors who kept being annoyingly helpful and finally her own parents.

Satsu didn't even know if things actually were better as a result of the teacher's outrage. Nobody spoke to her now, they only occasionally glanced at her as though she was some freak of nature.

She'd talked to her parents about it, confessed _what_ she was.

Her father had taken it quite okay, her mother, not so much.

Home had started feeling like an alien place, barren and empty.

Then, something strange had happened to her. It had, quite literally, knocked her on her ass. Ever since that day, she'd - changed.

It wasn't that she had been bad at sports, but she hadn't ever been good either. That, combined with her lack of initiative had never led her to be any good at anything physical.

But suddenly, she was as good as the best girls on the gymnastics team and she hadn't even trained.

She could run fast - probably faster than any of the boys in school - though she never put that to the test.

She was stronger too. One morning, she'd sneaked to the gym when none was there and tried the bench press, managing over twice her own body weight.

It all seemed like some odd freakish event out of a movie, radioactive spider bites and that kind of crap, until finally, someone had knocked on their door.

It was an early spring day, just before school. Satsu had heard her father open the door, heard a sweet voice ask for her and peaked out through the window.

That was the first time she had seen Buffy Summers. She had heard that wonderful voice she'd eventually fall in love with ask her name and quickly ditched her glasses in favor of her contacts. The contacts she usually skipped because she found them uncomfortable. They never mattered, she was one of the nerds, the outsiders, even if she didn't look like one of them.

But this was someone new, she wanted to make a good expression.

And so, she grabbed her jacket, ignored her mother's upset questioning of who the hell the girl was, pushed past her father and signaled the stranger to follow her outside.

'What's up?' she had finally asked when they had put a bit of distance between themselves and the house.

'I'm Buffy Summers. You're Satsu, right?'

'Yeah.'

'And you've experienced some changes these last few weeks, haven't you? Physical ones? Strange dreams?'

Satsu remembered vividly how she had nodded, as she understood that perhaps someone finally had come to deliver her the answers.

Then came the moment, if she had to pin-point one, where she fell for the Slayer extraordinaire.

'Hey, whatcha doin' with her? She'll be feeling ya up if yer not careful.'

It was one of the boys from school, who unfortunately also lived at the same street as she did. They had played when she was much smaller, but apparently, things changed.

'What? I'm not gonna be doing any feeling.' Buffy had looked surprised and slightly guilty.

'Not you, blondie, the dyke yer sitting with.'

Satsu had expected the girl to blush and shuffle off, perhaps with some stupid excuse, but she didn't.

She approached the boy, went threatingly near him. Back in the day, before the changes, Satsu probably wouldn't have heard a word, but she could now she could make out the words "balls" and "rip".

The combination of the two, along with the titanic confidence the small blonde held seemed to be enough to scare the boy off.

She returned with a neutral expression and sat down next to Satsu as though nothing had happened.

'Right. Now, the point I was trying to make, before we were rudely interrupted is that you're a-'

'Dyke?'

'Uh- Possibly, but that's not what I was going for.'

Buffy had blushed and maybe that was the moment where she fell in love with her?

There were so many confusing and adorable moments to pick from…

She had cleared her throat and gone on.

'This might sound weird, impossible and majorly freaky, but… There's lots of stuff in this world you've always thought were myth that just - aren't.'

'Like Bigfoot?'

'No, he's actual made up. Vampires, though. Demons.'

'That's what I've dreamt of? All those girls, fighting, dying-'

'They were what you are - a slayer.'

As much as she wanted to believe this girl, she couldn't help but to question her own sanity while she was at it.

'Um- And how do I know you're not a figment of my imagination?'

Buffy had laughed at that.

'Either your whole life is an illusion. Or you just go with it and see. If you want proof, I can show you some right now.'

Satsu had agreed and followed Buffy through the streets of London. They moved towards the Thames and she asked nothing until the blonde woman had dropped the sports bag she had kept thrown over her shoulder to the ground and opened it.

She had seen her first vampire that day and even slain one that Buffy had held down. In that moment, she had felt complete, as though this was what she had been born to do.

Afterwards, the slayer had accepted the lunch Satsu had offered and treated her to the amazing story of her life.

She was from Sunnydale, California, which apparently rested on a hell mouth. She had fought monsters, demons (and apparently, at some point, cyborgs) since she was 15.

Buffy had also told her about the slayer line, how there usually was one slayer and how there were hundreds now.

The slayers base of operations was being set up in Scotland and Buffy told Satsu that they were bringing hundreds of girls like herself there, to prepare them for their calling.

* * *

'Satsu, would you please stay behind for just a moment?' The soft voice cut through all the talking and movement from the dismissed class and Satsu turned to face her teacher.

'Yeah?' There is confidence in her voice no, she knows. Here, people treat her well. She has friends, people who don't care the slightest about "deviant orientation" and most importantly, she's able to be who she wants to be rather than who others think she should be.

'Walk with me.'

'Yes, ma'am.' A few long strides she caught up with Buffy. She kept her head down, only stealing the occasional glance as they moved away from the crowd, towards the lake.

'One of the first things a slayer learns is that her life expectancy isn't great.'

Satsu sneaked another peek and found Buffy smiling gently at her. She blushed and looked down at her sneakers again.

'Things have changed now,' the blonde slayer continued. 'But we need people ready to take over in case I die.'

'You're not gonna die-'

'I already have - twice.'

'I won't let you get hurt.' The promise had left her mouth before she had time to think it through. Oh god, that did not sound good.

Hell, why not just shout 'Hey, I'm in love with you!' from the tallest tower? (Funnily enough, that wasn't even a metaphor, she could literally do that.)

'Ì have full confidence in you, which I wanted this little chat.'

'Oh?'

'I might die tomorrow and if I do, someone else needs to manage all this.' She turned around and waved her hand in the direction of the castle and continued.

'If you're up to it, I want to give you a few,' she furrowed her brow, trying to think of a proper word. 'Private lessons.'

'Yeah, sure! Of course,' she exclaimed excitedly, then awkwardly added ,'Ma'am.'

'Alright.' Buffy put her arm around Satsu's shoulder, entirely unaware how it sent the younger slayer's hormones into overdrive.

'Meet me at the sparring room, 8 o'clock.' Satsu walked away, already missing the warm arm around her shoulder.

* * *

It took Satsu over an hour to prepare for the practice session. What to wear, what to wear?

Her first attempts came off far too slutty, there was no way she'd get away with showing up in a short skirt.

But she didn't want to look plain either, she wanted it to be noticeable and still - not. Finally, she settled for a black tank top, with a small silver cross dangling down the cleft between her small breasts (she really wished she had a better bra to help her along, but alas, no) and a grey pair of sweatpants.

For a moment, she considered make-up, but decided it would look stupid to show up wearing it when they were going to be working out.

She made sure to fix her hair, though, and to wear a little bit of perfume. No reason to be stinky if there was to be lots of body contact. The very thought left her head in a haze, so she decided it was time to go before she got distracted.

She got there early, but only by a few minutes. Buffy was already there at the centre of the room with her back turned, bent over touching her toes.

Satsu grasped the doorframe to maintain her balance and simply stared.

Dear god, that was a nice sight. She closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath. She could not stand there staring, if she did, she'd be far too turned on to focus on anything and if she was to perform on an impressive level tonight, she'd need her wits about.

Drawing slow, calming breaths, she rapped the door with her knuckles.

'Come on in, Satsu.'

The Japanese slayer looked up from the ground, only realizing at that point that she had been too shy to look elsewhere, and saw Buffy smiling kindly at her.

She did as she had been asked, stopping a few feet away from her teacher.

'Okay, hit me.'

'Scuse me?'

'Hit me,' Buffy repeated. 'You're not gonna hurt me, so don't worry.'

Satsu had only seen Buffy fight twice, once the day they had met and then one time she and a slayer named Faith had given the group a demonstration.

With those fights in mind, she knew that the other slayer wasn't being arrogant, just self-aware.

Not wanting to disappoint, she lashed out immediately, at full strength and speed.

Buffy slapped the punches away like flies with the palms of her hands, but Satsu kept them coming until finally, steely fingers closed upon her right wrist and twisted her body around.

A second later, she stood with her back to Buffy, who had her right arm coiled around her throat. For a moment Satsu tried to mess up Buffy's balance, to be able to throw her over her shoulder, but the other slayer was far too strong.

Then again, standing there with the girl of her dreams that close, breathing down the back of her neck wasn't all bad. She really had to fight not to press back into her assailants body.

'Good,' said Buffy with liking, letting the younger slayer go. 'Again.'

When they were done, Satsu had soaked her top through with sweat. Her knickers were soaked too, after all the close contact and her body was shaking, both from exhaustion and excitement. It was only pride that prevented her from actually asking Buffy to carry her back to her to the showers.

When she had finally managed to stagger there, she sank down against the wall and let the warm water work out the pain in her limbs.

For a minute, she thought the night wouldn't be more complicated than that she'd have to drag her ass to bed and work her way through the next day with gritted teeth.

Then she heard steps.

The shower room was large white-tiled space with enough for twenty-five people or so at the same time. Leading to it was a changing room of about the same size. Satsu didn't move, she was already sitting with her knees bent, arms resting on them, while she had her head against the cold white stone.

The steps kept coming and a blonde wrapped in a pink towel entered.

It was Buffy. She went to a shower a few yards from where Satsu was sitting and lost the towel.

The woman was breathtakingly gorgeous. Lithe body, small breasts with pink-ish nipples that looked - very lickable. Being all wet from the spray of the showers did not really hurt either.

As she sat there, Satsu felt very grateful that her arms and legs were too numb for her to move properly, because the slayer inside her screamed at her to rush over there, to shove Buffy up against the wall and take her.

It was probably the longest moment of her life, watching the elder slayer rubbing shampoo in her hair, absentmindedly running her hands over curves as she cleaned herself, curves Satsu wanted to touch so badly.

After an eternity, Buffy said goodnight and left, closing the door behind her.

Daring in her desperation, Satsu's hands (which she had kept so firmly at her knees that they had left marks) quickly traveled to that spot between her legs that was demanding attention and set to relieve the ache. It didn't even take a minute before she arched her back against the cold tiled wall and moaned out her release against her palm of her left hand.

For a few minutes, as always after relieving herself thinking about Buffy, she sat there panting and then started crying bitterly at the hopelessness of it all.

* * *

Satsu stood frozen in the futuristic military installation, aware of the mayhem occurring around her, but too dazed to pay attention or care. She stared at her hands, covered in shockingly scarlet blood. Her sword, her clothes, her face, it was all covered in it.

She'd killed before, vampires and demons, but never human beings. She felt dizzy and her stomach was bubbling uncomfortably. From somewhere, seemingly at a great distance, someone was calling her name, but she didn't react until a hand made sharp contact with her cheek.

'Satsu, get your shit together!'

The Japanese slayer tightened her grip on the katana in her bloodstained hands and faced Buffy.

'If we find Willow she'll be able to save most of them. Come on!'

* * *

Stumbling, the three women got back through the portal and landed in the castle storage room.

It was still crowded with witches, slayers and by Mr. Harris, who immediately embraced Willow upon their arrival.

'Would you please leave us for a while?' said Buffy, cutting through the excited commotion at their successful rescue operation.

Everyone but the witch left.

'Willow - please.'

'Sorry, Buff. Just thought I'd-' she waved her hand in the air and all the blood vanished from their bodies and clothes.

Satsu murmured a word of thanks, but did not look up, even as the witch closed the door behind her when she left. A silence followed, stretching on for minutes, before Buffy finally spoke.

'You saved a life tonight. Don't forget that.'

'I also took three,' said Satsu bitterly

'Two. The third got hit by crossfire. You did what I told you to do and you did it well. You didn't kill anyone you absolutely didn't have to- I'm proud of you.'

Those last four words made Satsu look up and actually smile.

She looked helplessly at Buffy's lips as she spoke, lips she had kissed only a few hours previously.

'My door's always open if you need to talk, Satsu.'

She gave Satsu's shoulder a pat, then left the girl in solitude to deal with her guilt.

* * *

Looking back, Satsu couldn't even remember how she had gotten back to her room. But after a while, she managed to get to her room and sunk down on the bed, closed her eyes and let the onslaught of images overwhelm her.

Rowena had visited, but had been dismissed after Satsu had told her she needed to sleep. But she could not, even though her body ached from exhaustion. Every time she closed her eyes, they were there, the men she had killed.

There was a knock on the door, but Satsu ignored it despite it's persistence.

After a while, whoever was outside opened it and walked inside, but Satsu didn't look - didn't care.

The footsteps came closer and when they stopped, at the side of her bed, Satsu took her eyes from the ceiling above to focus on the visitor.

It was Willow Rosenberg. She had never met the witch before that day, but she had heard some of the wiccas mention her and they had always described her with awe befitting some sort of demi-goddess.

It still surprised Satsu, seeing her the second time, how ordinary she looked. Pretty, sure, and kind-looking, but very ordinary.

'I know you're feeling bad,' she said softly, putting a hand on the slayer's forehead.

'What do you know?' Muttered Satsu. It wasn't that she was ungrateful of the witch's helpfulness, she just didn't want any empty words about how it would all be alright.

It would never be alright.

'A lot,' she said quietly. 'You're not the only one with blood on your hands.'

Satsu didn't know what to say. She wanted to ask who and how, but felt it would be inappropriate.

'The point is, you saved lives today and not only mine. You feel guilty for killing people and you should. It means you're not a monster.'

'How long?'

The witch sighed and gave the young slayer a sad smile.

'I'll let you know.'

* * *

Satsu lay in the infirmary of the castle with Buffy sitting on the bed next to hers.

Her nose and two ribs had been broken and she had some pretty nasty bruises along her spine.. Not to mention that the Twilight son of a bitch had broken her katana, which she had ordered, all the way from Japan, for several months worth of slayer allowances.

What was worst was that she, despite Buffy's insistence of the opposite, felt as though she had failed. That the woman she loved knew of it did not help much, especially now that she knew, for a damn fact, that she would never had a chance with her.

On the plus side, she had a shot at talking to the slayer on matters other than martial arts and beheading.

'So your first boyfriend was a vampire?'

'Uh-huh.'

'And you slept with William the bloody?'

'I did.'

'Wow. Say, you don't happen to have-'

'If the words "vampire fetish" leave your lips, I will smother you with a pillow,' said Buffy warningly.

Satsu laughed out loud, immediately regretting it as pain shot out from the sore ribs.

'Fess up, how was it?'

'Not sayin' a thing.

Satsu pouted and tried puppy eyes, but without any result.

Buffy stayed with her for the rest of the day, leaving only to get them some lunch, which they ate in Satsu's bed, bread crumbs littering the white covers.

'So, you think I'm hot? And I smell good?'

Buffy, who had been half-way through a gulp of water, choked on her drink.

She coughed for a while, her cheeks turning a lovely red color. Satsu decided she wanted to see it more often.

'Um-'

For a moment, there was silence, one of the awkward variety, then Buffy scooted closer and put her hand on Satsu's cheek.

She could remember quite clearly how she had done that only 36 hours earlier, gentle hands wiping the mud of her face, slowly tracing the bottom lip as she did.

Then her intents became clear as the elder slayer slowly began to pull off the plaster on her cheek.

'How does it feel?' she asked, gently touching the spot with the back of her hand.

'Okay,' she mumbled, distracted by the touch.

'Maybe I should kiss it better.' She said it as though contemplating it, as though she was unsure. Satsu sat stock still, as if Buffy was a shy animal that would run away in terror if she moved a muscle.

But when she felt the soft, slightly moist lips pressed against her cheek, her resolve broke and Satsu maneuvered her lips so that they met the other slayer's

For those five seconds their lips remained in contact, the Japanese slayer tried to memorize it, everything. The scent, the taste, the feeling of it all, just in case it would never happen again, then she pulled back and looked at Buffy pleadingly.

She felt that maybe she ought to apologise, but couldn't get the words out.

In front of her, the blonde slayer looked puzzled for a few moments, before a expression of resolve spread across her features and she leaned in.

Satsu's body felt as though on fire as she lay on her back, Buffy's body across hers, their kissing growing more desperate by the second.

Unable to help herself, she let her hands trail up the other girls' spine, under the shirt.

Buffy moved away, her breathing shaky.

'I'm sorry, shouldn't I have?' Satsu moved her hands away.

'No,' said the other slayer quickly. 'I just thought maybe we should move this - somewhere else.'

'My room's not exactly private.'

Buffy kissed her again and as she did, Satsu focus on matters as trivial as being caught slipped away. Privacy was a problem, it was true. One that made taking care of oneself, so to speak, a bit problematic. Although, truth be told, Satsu had heard a story or two about girls in the castle who had turned that problem into an opportunity.

'Let's go to mine, nobody's gonna bother us there.'


End file.
